How your internal state colours [almost] everything you perceive

There is a painting that my partner created when we moved to Australia. It had no fixed purpose beyond self-expression and doing something with her own hands, while integrating into a new identity as a second-time mother and someone who had moved countries and continents for the first time. That painting now hangs on our wall.

To my surprise discovery, this painting became the most consistent barometer of my state of mind:

I noticed that when I am in a good state - I love it.

When I am neutral, or busy - I don’t notice it.

When I’m not having a good day - I get picky with it: the lines aren’t straight, this part could be better etc etc.

It didn't take me long to also notice that when I'm in a state of loving this painting - I’m also more open, patient and supportive with myself and others.

When I’m neutral - I do reasonably well.

When I’m picky with the painting - I'm generally in a picky state and need to be extra mindful.

Of course, it’s never about the painting. It’s about my state, or my internal weather, on a specific day.

Matthew Walker in his book "Why We Sleep" mentions a fascinating study that demonstrated that people who were undersleeping were interpreting neutral facial expressions as threatening, which is a similar finding to my experience.

So, if your internal weather is not the best for what you are setting out to do, do what you need to adjust how you’ll move forward:

• It could be changing your state (listening to an inspiring interview, talking to a supportive friend, meditating, exercising, journaling, listening to music or looking at art).

• It could be choosing to go out during the rain while putting on a raincoat and non-slippery shoes (e.g. taking three deep breaths before you give feedback or asking someone to review your feedback if you sense it could cause more harm than help).

• It could be choosing to do nothing and let the storm pass, or soften.

There are many options available, and it’s up to us to figure out what works best for us so that we show up as well as we can within a present context.

How is this related to refining self-talk?

Tough internal weather is conducive to tougher self-talk, while better internal conditions will allow you to hear the birds sing inside of you, to feel the warmth of the sunlight of self-love and the groundedness of self-respect.

It also goes in the other direction:

Negative self-talk can spark and fuel tough internal conditions, while a positive one can move away the stormy clouds.

Here is a tip: find your barometer.

It will help you move with more awareness.

Wishing everyone to hear your birds sing inside of you and, if it storms, to marvel at such powerful forces inside.