Why You Are Not Moving Towards Your Goals
Or how to feed the right wolf
by Anton Zemlyanoy | Self-TalkAs a coach, I often wonder: what stands between where people are and where they want to be? Why aren't they working towards their dreams or achieving their goals?
Why do I, too, get stuck?
And here is what I discovered: we sometimes get stuck in a perspective about what’s possible.
Where do you think this comes from?
You may have tried something and it didn’t work (the first, the second or the Nth time) and you concluded that it doesn’t work for you, period.
Or you may have seen others try and not succeed and you made similar conclusions.
Or you may have people you respect convince you it’s not possible.
What’s common in all of the above scenarios is that we have accepted those conclusions as truths and internalised them as such. “Truths”, or to be more accurate, strong beliefs, about who we are, about what is possible. Ironically, we are the ones holding the beliefs (consciously or subconsciously) that are holding us back.
We are the ones holding beliefs that are holding us back.
Or, sometimes, these beliefs are holding us, with the same outcome.
Now, what if those beliefs weren’t true...?
The good news is that whenever examined with a rational lens, these strongly held beliefs display flaws in their structure and start losing their grip on us. And that’s when we start moving towards possibility again.
I will show you how you can engage in rational scrutiny of your beliefs in another post, but before that, we need to take stock of where your energy is spent. Here is a simple way to do it.
Taking stock: where do you invest your energy?
Grab a piece of paper and think of something you’d like to achieve, but haven’t been moving towards.
Next, divide the sheet into two columns (see the example below or download a blank template
here):
On the left, list all the reasons why you’re saying to yourself that it won’t work for you (or any other reason you’re not working towards your goal). Don’t try to evaluate the thoughts yet, just let them all come out and write them in the left column.
…
Once done, go to the other column and list ways you can make it work for you (you may need to do some thinking first).
…
When done, take stock: which column was easier to complete? Which column has more text or where is the belief stronger? This is a good way to see where most of your thoughts are.
And if your Why it may not work column is heavier - that’s your simple answer to why you’re not moving ahead.
There is a parable that I like to illustrate this with:
A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, which wolf is going to get bigger, the good wolf or the bad wolf?"
The grandfather answers: "Whichever one you feed the most."
Make sure to feed the right wolf.
Work on this until you reach the tipping point. The point where your How to make it work outweighs the Why it's not going to work, either in quantity or power. You will know you’ve reached your tipping point because that’s when you will start moving and working towards your goal. Because you’ve managed to tip the inner conviction towards thinking there is a way YOU CAN make it work.
Trust me, if you keep looking for reasons not to do it, you will find them.
Read more from the Self-Talk seriesAbout the author
Anton Zemlyanoy is an executive coach who helps leaders navigate change with clarity and self-trust, turning self-talk into a leadership strength.
Want to explore this for yourself or your leaders?