"Why did I freeze in a board meeting?" and "How do I influence the sharks?"

I previously wrote about doing an internal alignment check for what we Think, how we Feel and what we Believe about a situation we are facing.

Today, I will give you two examples of how exploring and shifting the mindset about their situations allowed two beautifully-hearted, hardworking leaders to approach them in a more resourced way. This is what doing internal work for external results looks like.

Example 1: Samantha freezing up in a board meeting

You may remember Samantha from "3 Strategies to Improve Self-Talk". She initially came to coaching when she recognised she had been critical of herself for several years and was unable to disconnect from thinking negatively about work events when she was at home with her family. At the same time, she was recognised as a high-performing country lead in her organisation.

I’ve been working with Samantha for three months when she said she wanted to discuss her freezing up in a recent board meeting. When explaining the freezing up, I asked how she FELT about being in the boardroom. While answering, she realised that it reminded her of an interrogation setting. Freezing up was partially a result of her feeling unsafe (remember the fight, flight or freeze response?). She was seeing presenting to the board from the perspective of being interrogated. No wonder she wasn’t being her best self...

So we moved into the THINKING realm and worked on shifting her perspective from “I’m interrogated, they’re trying to catch me out” to “Perhaps they are asking me to present because I am an expert in my field and they need my input to make better decisions”. A seemingly simple, yet powerful, shift into this perspective helped Samatha FEEL better about it. She became visibly less tense while trying this perspective on.

Two weeks later, she was smiling as she shared that not only did she manage to not freeze and present her whole piece, but that she even enjoyed herself (a bit).

A recap of what we did:

• Initial feeling: like I'm being interrogated and they're trying to catch me out.

• Challenge the thinking: do you really think they're trying to catch you out? Samantha: "No, I'm sure they've got better things to do."

• Shifting to a different thinking perspective: I'm here to share my expert knowledge that they need for better decisions.

• Feeling about it now? Better.

• Result: present the whole piece and enjoy herself (a bit).

Example 2: "How do I influence the sharks?"

"I want to work on influencing the two top leaders. They are like sharks," said Ted in our very first session.

"Sharks?" My ears perked up. "How interesting, what makes you call them sharks?"

Ted: "I don't know, just how it feels to me."
I: "Ok. If they are like sharks, then you feel like what?"

Ted: "A crab!" - came a fast response that surprised Ted himself. "No wonder I feel nervous about approaching them!"

I: "Yeah, it seems very uneven..." I then had an idea to ask: "What are their names?"

Ted: "Bob is the CEO, and Mark is an important investor." I: "Bob and Mark... How does it feel to say their names?"

Ted: "You know, surprisingly, it feels so much better already. Feels a little more 'even'." ...

This was the opening that allowed Ted to bridge the gap in his own mind between himself and other people who, just like him, had their first names.

The point is...

Noticing how we feel, think, and what we believe about a situation can be a powerful doorway into seeing how our assumptions get in our way of being fully ourselves. Once notice, we can then find a path forward.

Welcome to doing internal work for external results.