I Was Not Ignored for 13 Years — I Was Left Alone to Do My Work

“I was not ignored for 13 years. I was left alone to do my work.”

This statement stuck with me. What a powerful perspective to hold. A stable place to work from. Not dictated by external validation, but by an internal drive to perfect whatever one sets out to do.

I heard this statement, quoted and requoted (and probably changed each time) when visiting an exhibition of Louise Bourgeois: Has the Day Invaded the Night or Has the Night Invaded the Day? at the National Gallery of NSW in Sydney. This was the only exhibition I visited twice in the span of a month - I was so touched and moved by it.

In the age of quick results and increasing instant gratification, such a grounded and long-term view is a powerful muscle many of us use less and less.

Viewing our work in shorter timeframes, or framing it as such, can lead to internal turbulence that can be avoided or at least reduced. Imagine airline pilots panicking when the plane is ‘off-course’, or judged as such, without realising that being seemingly ‘off-course’ is actually ‘on-course’. What?! Exactly.

How we frame situations can either increase stress or reduce it. How powerful! That’s why finding empowering reframes can be key to helping people go from being stuck and stressed to getting energy flowing again, resulting in more self-assured action. Because often it’s not the situation that’s the problem, but how we perceive, or frame, the situation that’s causing it to be problematic, or challenging, for us.

Here are a few examples of real situations and reframes from my coaching (and life) practice:

• Situation: My writing isn’t going viral.

  • Original frame: maybe I’m not made out for this.

  • Reframe: I’m being left alone to perfect my writing (thank you, Louise Bourgeois, for this one!).

• Situation: I’ve got a job as a senior executive.

  • Original perspective: I’m not sure whether I have it in me to do this well.

  • Reframe: Do you think that people who appointed you to this role are stupid (hyperbolised intentionally) No. Do you trust that they are smart? Yes, I know they are. Well, perhaps they knew what they were doing when they decided to hire you? (Using confidence in others to increase own confidence).

• Situation: I am told that my emails are too long for executive-level communication.

  • Original perspective: I have to prove to senior leadership that I know my stuff, so I include every detail.

  • Reframe using an analogy: they are like pro car drivers, and I don’t need to prove my expertise to them by explaining how a car works (actually, it is silly to do so) - I just need to tell them the unique aspects of each car and leave out the rest.

  • Result: reduced and succinct communication to senior execs and experts.

• Situation: I worry about being criticised in a meeting.

  • Original framing: critical of my opinion = they don’t think I’m smart, and I will lose my
    job.

  • Reframe: if they criticise, it means they listen to what I’m saying (reframe 1), and they trust that I can hold my ground and even strengthen my position thanks to their criticism (reframe 2).

“How you see the problem is, often, the problem,” I once heard somewhere.

I’d estimate half of the work we do with coaching clients is on finding a better way of making meaning of situations. And that’s the beauty of it - making better meaning is within our control, or at least our influence.

Equip yourself with a few empowering reframes and you will feel... well... empowered.