Leadership development for smart, arrogant or critical thinkers: how self-awareness and authenticity can help you be a better leader
Part 7. Understanding your Protecting behaviours in the Leadership Circle Profile
Welcome to part 7 of Inspiring Leadership series. We are continuing to explore the differences between Reactive leadership styles and more effective Creative competencies, including the beliefs that drive these behaviours.
If you’re a leader with high pleasing tendencies - you may be interested in the article where I compare Complyng and Relating dimensions.
If you’re a controlling leader, perhaps autocratic, perhaps micromanaging - you may want to read about the Controlling and Achieving dimensions.
In this article, we’ll explore Protecting styles and how they may be better complemented with any of the creative competencies, particularly in the Self-Awareness and Authenticity dimensions. I’ll start with my own story of making a developmental change, then describe the LCP competencies and underlying beliefs and conclude with Bryan’s story of going from Arrogance and snapping at people while risking his career, to kindness and high achievement - a journey that required him to uncover his deeply-rooted belief that constantly drove him to be ‘the smartest in the room’.
"Anton, you know how when something isn't working, you go quiet and stop talking to us...?"
"Yes...", I said, partly perplexed, partly annoyed by my thought process being interrupted by my assistant.
"Well, do you notice what happens to people on the team when you do that?"
"What do you mean?" (I had no idea what he was talking about)
"The atmosphere becomes tense. They think they've done something wrong because you seem annoyed. The mood in the team changes."
Hello, self-awareness. Hello, interpersonal intelligence. This is how I discovered one of the ways I respond to stress that had an unintended impact on the rest of the team. And this was years before I knew that professional coaching existed as a field. Later on, I learned that LCP helps measure this style of Reactive leadership under the Protecting dimension.
Although my intention was to say "Let's pause and let me think about what's not working" (Self-Awareness, Authenticity, Achieving and Relating Competencies on the Creative side of the LCP), the results of going into a Reactive style were just presented to me by my assistant.
How it affected others took me by surprise.
A blank Leadership Circle Profile report
This is one example of a Distancing behaviour in the Protecting dimension of the LCP. Often done with good intentions, it can have an adverse unintended impact on people in your team. Note two more dimensions in the Protecting zone: Critical and Arrogance. Although each of these has its own set of beliefs that drive the Reactive side of these leadership styles, they share one common trait:
Aiming to achieve results via creating separation between yourself and others, often resulting in a sense of superiority, interpersonal distancing or disconnection, if not managed appropriately.
As I wrote in other articles in this series, all of our Reactive styles helped us be successful to the point we are at now. But they also tend to limit our effectiveness if we want to get better. It’s like playing a piano - you can have the basics right and do well, but if you want to keep getting better, Creative competencies offer additional, finer ways of navigating the complexities and opportunities of working with people in your leadership roles.
What are Protecting leadership styles in the LCP
Previously, we looked at two sides that LCP explores: how we approach Relationships (on the left of the LCP) and how we approach achieving Tasks (on the right). We will now look at how we show up ourselves as people when we collaborate with others as we work on achieving results.
Similar to earlier articles, the below distinctions are taken from LCP’s interpretation manual and the Self-Assessment guide, available on Leadership Circle’s website, along with a few of my comments applying the context back to my example of growing out of my Protecting style.
The Protecting dimension measures the belief that you can protect yourself and establish a sense of worth through withdrawal, remaining distant, hidden, aloof, cynical, superior, and/or rational.
Three types of Protecting styles in the LCP: Distance, Critical and Arrogance
The Protecting dimension is comprised of three subscales: Arrogance, Critical, and Distance. Each of these is inversely correlated to all the Creative dimensions.
The Protecting dimension is composed of these scales:
Arrogance measures your tendency to project a large ego – behaviour that is experienced as superior, egotistical, and self-centred.
Critical is a measure of your tendency to take a critical, questioning, and somewhat cynical attitude.
Distance is a measure of your tendency to establish a sense of personal worth and security through withdrawal, being superior and remaining aloof, emotionally distant and above it all.
Scoring high on the Protecting scale suggests that you tend to keep yourself safe by acting aloof and maintaining distance in your relationships. You may also hold back from the risks that might come from fully deploying your creative abilities. Safety means being above it all. This stance can come from an inner lack of confidence, self-doubt, inferiority or it’s opposite, superiority. It may well be that you project an air of superiority, needing to be right, find fault, and put others down as a strategy to build yourself up. The need to build yourself up may spring from feelings of self-doubt and vulnerability. Protecting is an internal set of assumptions that link security with distance, and worth with either being small and uninvolved or big and superior.
In my own example, it was a no-brainer: I sometimes think better when I have distance and space. Isn't that a good thing? It may be, depending on how I set it up with other people. Let's keep going.
Internal Assumptions
Internal assumptions are the beliefs you use to organise your identity. They are the inner rules or beliefs that define how you see yourself and your relationship to the world. The internal assumptions often associated with the Protecting dimension include:
For me to be right, others have to be wrong (and vice versa)
I am worthwhile if I am right and find the weaknesses in others
I am valuable because of my superior capability or insight
I am not good enough
I am safe and acceptable if I remain small, uninvolved, and avoid risk
Behaviours
Behaviors are the external expression of your internal assumptions. The general behaviours associated with the Protecting dimension include:
Holding back and watching how situations unfold
Identifying what is wrong, illogical, or lacking in plans
Seeing the flaws in others’ thinking, speaking, and actions
Analysing what is right and what is wrong
Protecting Gifts and Strengths
Every Reactive dimension is capable and gifted. When using the strengths of the Protecting dimension you will tend towards:
Cut through complexity and see issues that others miss
Remain detached and observant when things get emotional
Take a wider perspective or offer alternative ways to view situations
Care deeply for a few people or causes
Protect your active interior or spiritual life
Be capable of offering a great deal of wisdom
Some of these strengths can help you be skilled in System's Awareness (a Creative Competency on the LCP).
Liabilities
Every Reactive dimension has liabilities and limitations. The downside of the Protecting dimension is the need (conscious or unconscious) to bolster your self-esteem by acting superior, cynical, and fault-finding.
Often these tendencies are intertwined with a strong streak of self-criticism and self-doubt causing you to hold back from making your full contribution, not asserting yourself and playing small. You will need to reflect and get feedback from others about the ways your Protecting dimension manifests. These intertwining tendencies result in behaviours, which tend toward:
Acting cold, aloof or uncaring
Distancing others by your judgements
Adopting a posture of being superior, more intelligent, better, “right”
Holding back your creative expression
Avoiding risk-taking
Diminishing the contribution that you are capable of making
Holding back your gifts or offering them through a narrow range of rationally distant behaviours
Other people, as a result of some of these behaviours, do not experience you supporting them. They feel judged from a distance rather than known and supported (this is what my assistant shared with me). Consequently, trust can be low .
Correlations with Leadership Effectiveness
Note that each of the Reactive scales has a different correlation with subjective Leadership Effectiveness, meaning some behaviours may be impacting your perceived leadership effectiveness to different degrees. For example, the correlation between Conservative (in the Complying), Perfect and Driven (in the Controlling) seems to be non-existent to Leadership effectiveness (-0.03 and 0.05). While all three Protecting scales are very close together (-0.55, -0.49, -0.50) and correlate with Leadership Effectiveness stronger.
Leadership Effectiveness in the LCP is measured by participants rating how strongly they feel about the leader in the above statements
Shifting from Protecting (Reactive) to higher effectiveness (Creative)
In my own example, going into silent mode had its purpose - to think clearly and without distractions and to come up with a solution for the whole team. But I learned that it had an undesired imapct on team spirit. So what’s the move to go towards higher effectiveness, while still having my time to distance from the problem and think? As with many solutions, it was rather straightforward, although developing new habits takes effort and time: all I needed to do was to tell my team and other stakeholders that I usually come up with solutions, or at least good suggestions, if I have a few minutes to think on my own (notice me leaning into Self-Awareness and Authenticity competencies for delivering this message).
I also learned to say: "And when I come back, let's all talk together (Fosters Team Play, Collaborator) to see how we can reconnect back to our ultimate vision (Purposeful and Visionary) and achieve the results we came here for” (Achieving summary dimension). These examples (and more) would be a way of leaning into Creative Competencies without needing to sacrifice what worked for us in the past while also stretching myself to develop.
As you may have noticed from my previous posts, looking at the Creative Competencies for additional ways to show up as a leader will usually give you more options to choose from. We call it “expanding your range”.
A reminder: this is not an invitation to give up what's worked for you up until now, but to try additional, potentially more effective ways of thinking and operating, to have at your additional disposal and for increased choice.
Creative Competencies: Self-Awareness, Authenticity and Systems Awareness
Below are the definitions, assumptions and behaviours of three Creative Summaries that we haven't explored yet: Self-Awareness, Authenticity and Systems Awareness. Any of these can be leaned into to expand your leadership style and choice.
The Self-Awareness dimension measures your orientation to ongoing professional and personal development, as well as the degree to which inner self-awareness is expressed through balanced perspective and high integrity leadership.
It is composed of:
Selfless Leader - the extent to which you pursue service over self-interest. It measures a very high state of personal awareness where the need for credit and personal ambition is far less important than creating results in collaborative relationships which serve a common good. (In my example, this would be shifting from "How can I find the solution" to "How can WE find the solution together?")
Balance - your ability, in the midst of the conflicting tensions of modern life, to keep a hearty balance between business and family, activity and reflection, work and leisure.
Composure - your ability, in the midst of conflict and high-tension situations, to remain composed and centered, and to maintain a calm, focused perspective.
Personal Learner - the degree to which you demonstrate a strong and active interest in learning, and personal and professional growth. (Me being open to my assistant's feedback.)
A High Rating (66 and above) means you actively pursue and value personal and professional development. You are an alive and vital person. Having developed your sense of purpose, you act from your internal center, consciously expressing your core values. You are trusted to “walk your talk” and people respect you as someone who acts with integrity.
A Low Rating (33 and below) means you are limiting your leadership impact by not actively pursuing personal development. Your inner life and outer life are out of balance.
Internal Assumptions
Internal Assumptions are the beliefs you use to organize your identity. They are the inner rules or beliefs that define how you see yourself and your relationship to the world. The Internal Assumptions often associated with the Self-Awareness dimension include:
I am inherently worthy and secure
My worth and security come from within and are not made up by how others see me, nor by how I perform
Inner development is necessary for the full deployment of self
Full expression of my creativity leads to a meaningful legacy
I contain a mix of strengths and weaknesses, light and dark
Self-acceptance is the key to accepting others
When I find unacceptable parts in others - it points to aspects of myself for which I have not been willing to be fully responsible
Behaviours
Behaviors are the external expression of your Internal Assumptions. The general behaviors associated with the Self-Awareness dimension include:
Composure under pressure
Ability to balance the multiple demands that come with adult life
Openness to feedback
Giving direct, non-blaming feedback
Admitting mistakes
Using success and failure to further self-knowledge
Laughing easily at your own idiosyncrasies
Taking time to understand employees’ personal motivations
Taking time to understand your own personal motivations, strengths, and weaknesses
If you score low in Self-Awareness:
Scoring low (33 and below) suggests that you are holding back your leadership impact by not actively pursuing personal development. Your inner life and outer life are out of balance. You may not fully realize that the game of life is played from the inside out - that the external events and circumstances of life are mirrors reflecting one’s inner level of self-awareness.
This results in a lessening of personal power - the kind of power that comes from personal integrity, deep engagement, inner vitality, and undefended openness.
Scoring low suggests that you are not in alignment with yourself. The behaviours associated with low scores in the Self-Awareness dimension include:
Not taking time for reflection and to know yourself
Being caught in the rat-race of life, feeling out of balance with little time and space for yourself
Reacting to life and problems rather than creating life as an expression of what matters most to you
Defining your self in terms of others’ expectations
Blaming others for your problems - expecting them to do most of the changing
Defending yourself, being slow to admit mistakes, ignoring failures and shortcomings
Being harshly critical and demanding of yourself
Playing out various roles in your life rather than acting from your authentic center
Note: for LCP's definitions of all 29 leadership dimensions (not just summary dimensions), go to this post.
Authenticity summary dimension (Creative)
Let’s keep moving to the right of the LCP - Authenticity.
Authenticity measures your capability to relate to others in an authentic, courageous, and high-integrity manner.
It measures the extent to which your leadership is an expression of your true self - not masked by organizational politics, looking good, winning approval, etc. It also measures your ability to take tough stands, bring up the “un-discussibles” (risky issues the group avoids discussing), openly deal with relationship problems, and share personal feelings/vulnerabilities about a situation. Courage in the workplace involves authentically and directly dealing with risky issues in one-to-one and group situations.
Authenticity summary dimension is composed of:
Integrity – how well you adhere to the set of values and principles that you espouse; that is, how well you can be trusted to “walk your talk.”
Courageous Authenticity – your willingness to take tough stands, bring up the “un-discussibles” (risky issues the group avoids discussing), and openly deal with difficult relationship problems.
A High Rating means your inner and outer lives are congruent. Your behaviour matches your values and others trust that you can be counted on to keep your word, meet your commitments, deal with them honestly and fairly, and remain true to your purpose.
A Low Rating means high Reactive scores may indicate that your internal assumptions are blocking your Authenticity capacity.
If you score high
Your inner and outer lives are congruent. Your behaviour matches your values and others trust that you can be counted on to keep your word, meet your commitments, deal with them honestly and fairly, and remain true to your purpose.
Authenticity and integrity are the qualities most desired in a leader, so scoring high on Authenticity suggests that you are perceived as a leader, and that others will follow. They will align with you because you practice what you preach. Your power in the organization is not primarily based on where you are in the hierarchy (position power), nor does being indirectly political attain it. Your power is given to you by others because you act with integrity.
You are perceived as living the values and vision you articulate. This enables you to effectively communicate core values and be an effective model of the organization you are trying to build. You naturally engender trust and respect because you can put your high principles into practice.
Scoring high on Authenticity also suggests that you support the values for which the organization stands. Your gifts as a leader are at their best when your integrity is matched up with an organization you believe in. If this is the case you are in a powerful position to mobilize the aspirations of those who work with you toward a common purpose. Integrity is a necessary ingredient for great things to happen.
Because you are in integrity with yourself, scoring high on this dimension also means that you are able to express honestly what you feel. When others avoid bringing up important but difficult issues, you tend to step forward and speak. You are able to acknowledge your own contribution to a problem situation and admit when you’ve been wrong. You’re not afraid to provide direct feedback, and you don’t run away from conflict.
Very high scores on this dimension suggest an unusual ability and willingness to bring up issues in real-time (if so doing will help a relationship or team move forward). This means that you can disclose how you are feeling right now as a result of what is happening in the meeting. You can disclose how your behaviour contributes to the current ineffectiveness of the group. It might mean putting into words what you and others are not saying (but will likely talk about in the hallway after the meeting adjourns).
You give authentic feedback and admit mistakes. You put yourself at risk for what you believe and value openness over popularity. Integrity and authenticity are what people trust the most. It is the source of your power.
Internal Assumptions
Internal Assumptions are the beliefs you use to organize your identity. They are the inner rules or beliefs that define how you see yourself and your relationship to the world. The Internal Assumptions often associated with the Authenticity dimension include:
I am worthy whether people approve of me or not, whether I succeed or not
Self-worth, freedom, and security are in my own hands
I maintain my self-esteem and security by being true to myself
My greatest source of power is personal integrity
It is more important to me to remain true to myself than to live up to others’ expectations
I am OK even if I make mistakes or hurt others’ feelings
I authentically admit my part in the problems we face
The only way I lose face is by not being true to my vision and values
Change starts with me; I must be the change I want to see in the world
Behaviors
Behaviors are the external expression of your Internal Assumptions. The general behaviors associated with the Authenticity dimension include:
Being trusted by others
Having high personal integrity
Directly addressing issues that get in the way of team performance
Speaking directly to the issues without smoothing them over
Acting courageously in meetings
Respecting another’s opinion even if you disagree with it
Staying open and honest about what you think and feel
Managing conflict directly and authentically
Surfacing issues others are reluctant to talk about
Confronting peers and superiors when needed
Being counted on to meet your commitments
Exhibiting personal behavior consistent with your values
Taking responsibility for your part of relationship and work-related problems
Speaking openly in the presence of “authorities”
Living by an effective set of core values
Holding to your values during good and bad times
Living your vision in every encounter even when that requires risk
If you score low
Scoring low on the Authenticity dimension can have serious implications for your leadership. The most successful leaders score high here. Please read about any high Reactive scores to explore how your internal assumptions may be blocking your Authenticity capacity. Leadership research strongly suggests that a primary quality that people look to in their leaders is honesty, authenticity, or integrity. So, scoring low on Authenticity should get your attention. It suggests that your behavior may be interpreted as inconsistent, expedient or at the extreme, unprincipled. Lack of integrity erodes trust, stymies teamwork, and compromises your leadership.
Scoring low on this dimension suggests that you may be afraid of offending others, or you may be playing political games. Those who score low in courageous authenticity often remain silent about their beliefs in the face of opposition, real or imagined. They value equilibrium and keeping the peace over constructive conflict, and submit to authority even at the cost of group effectiveness or service.
You may have come from a background where standing up for your point of view was discouraged in the interests of group harmony. On the other hand, you may not have developed adequate interpersonal skills to confront and provide feedback without seeming rude or angry. Reflect on whether you:
Articulate a mission that is not realistic
Behave in ways that do not support your vision and values
Are caught up in internal politics
Are trying to please too many different constituencies
Have violated confidences
Have difficulty keeping commitments
Avoid confronting issues
Say what is politically correct
Use language that masks reality (i.e., use positive sounding language to gloss over a difficult situation)
Don’t admit mistakes or the part you play in relationship problems
Give feedback in a way that minimizes or smoothes over your real concerns
Say “Yes” when you want to say “No”
Act cautiously around those with power
Make agreements that you don’t really support
Failing to confront problems allows them to fester, replacing conflict resolution with simmering resentment. A bias for taking the most popular path can lead to glossing over issues that may be critical for individual and organizational success. Skills in deciding when to confront, how to do so constructively, and how to negotiate under tough circumstances can be learned. Once mastered, they permit greater confidence in supporting open discussion without fear or guilt. Enhancing your Authenticity score contributes to trust and to a sense of integrity and completeness about your relationships with others.
Low scores can mean many things. It could have to do with a conflict between your value system and that of the organization. It could be the result of inner assumptions driving behaviour that conflict with your values and vision. It could be that you are more focused on political maneuvering than on being true to yourself.
Honest reflection, including feedback from others, may assist in finding a steadier compass, reflected in an improved Authenticity score.
Related Scores
Low scores on this dimension can be related to low scores all across the Creative sphere. Low Authenticity scores undercut high achievement and stem from low self-awareness. Consequently, low scores on this dimension may well show up as low scores on any of the Creative Competencies. In addition, low scores on this scale are correlated with high scores in the Reactive sphere. High Reactive scores tend to block or limit your capacity for honest, authentic, and high-integrity leadership. These limitations come from internal insecurity such as not feeling worthy or loved, feeling rejected, not feeling needed, feeling alone and unprotected.
The Systems Awareness Dimension (Creative)
Leaders who are strong on Systems awareness can take a wider and longer-term view on the challenges and opportunities their organisations and industries face, while also paying attention to how they impact the world around them now and in the future.
A great example of such a leader is Yvon Chouinard, the founder of Patagonia, with providing lifetime warranty for their clothes (at least at the time of this writing).
The Systems Awareness dimension measures the degree to which your awareness is focused on whole system improvement and on community welfare (the symbiotic relationship between the long-term welfare of the community and the interests of the organisation).
If you score high
Scoring high on Systems Awareness suggests that you lead with the big picture in view. You do not jump to fix symptoms. You look for the root cause. You know that the causes of current problems are to be found in the design of the current system out of which you operate. You know that breakthrough solutions cannot be found within the current paradigm; they require moving to new paradigms of thought and new principles of system design. You are an architect of systems that naturally manifest the results you envision. This larger perspective allows you to find leverage points - making change (perhaps seemingly small at the time) at the right place in the system that results in significant improvements in organizational performance.
As your score here reaches very high levels, your perspective becomes communal or global. You see the delicate relationship between the organization’s long-term well-being and the good of the larger community. You care more and more about using the organization and your leadership as instruments for bettering the welfare of life globally. You see that what you do has far-reaching implications. You search for solutions that are good for the organization and at the same time good for the environment and economic sustainability. In this way your leadership becomes a service to future generations.
Internal Assumptions
Internal Assumptions are the beliefs you use to organize your identity. They are the inner rules or beliefs that define how you see yourself and your relationship to the world. The Internal Assumptions often associated with the Systems Awareness dimension include:
I am an integral part of the whole
My actions both reflect the larger culture and affect it
Cause and effect are often far removed in both space and time
Much of what runs the system is invisible and intangible
Problems cannot be solved with the same thinking that created them
Legacy is not about being remembered, but about contributing to the welfare of others I too am a complex system—a mix of strengths and weaknesses, light and dark; in this way, I reflect the world around me
When I find unacceptable parts in others, it points to aspects of myself for which I have not been willing to be fully responsible
Behaviours
Behaviours are the external expression of your Internal Assumptions. The general behaviours associated with the Systems Awareness dimension include:
Organisations and parts of the organization are redesigned on an ongoing basis
Discussions explore the long-term impact of current decisions
Planning includes the welfare of the larger system in which your system is embedded. This might range from departments that will be affected to the global impact of what you are doing.
Customers and suppliers are included in your planning and strategy development
Meetings regularly involve all the key stakeholders in a decision
Environmental and community welfare is given high priority
If you score low
Scoring low on Systems Awareness suggests that your leadership could benefit from developing more of a systems perspective. It suggests that you focus too narrowly and too short term. While this may be very necessary at times to ensure immediate survival and to solve a crisis, perhaps it has become too ingrained. You need to cultivate the ability to focus on more than one causal factor. You need to look for the causes of problems that rise out of the complex interrelationship between multiple variables.
Your leadership can be taken to the next level by stepping back from the urgency to fix the current crisis and asking questions like, “How is our thinking and structure currently organized to produce this crisis? How can we redesign the system to solve multiple problems, that is, redesign the system so that the problem no longer exists? Are we, through the way we think and the paradigm out of which we function, the cause of our own problem?”
Systems Awareness always includes being aware of how your organization fits within a larger web of relationships that makes up the economic, political, and natural environment. It includes the long-term cause and effect relationship that examines the impact of current decisions on future results. Scoring low here suggests that your focus is too narrow. It may only take into account the optimal functioning of your department or division and not the optimal fit between your function and the overall functioning of the organization. It may focus only on the short-term welfare of the organization and not take into account a broader network of relationships that extend beyond the bounds of the organization. You need to look at how all these interrelationships can be enhanced to create win-win solutions - a win for your organization and for the larger system of which your organization is but a part. Ultimately, great leadership thinks globally, not only in terms of global competitive strategy, but also of global welfare.
Scoring low may not be an immediate cause for alarm, unless you are so crisis focused that long term strategy and system design are compromising results. System/community perspective takes time and practice to develop. It leads to far greater leadership power and influence. Scoring low simply suggests you have a learning curve ahead if you are to take your leadership to the next level.
Related Scores
Low scores on Systems Awareness can be related to low scores in the Achieving dimension. Lacking a system perspective can have negative consequences for organizational achievement. In addition, low scores on this scale are correlated with high scores in the Reactive sphere. High Reactive scores tend to result in quick-fix, reactive, problem solving. This can result in crisis management as you chase down the latest symptom, but fail to address the systemic cause of the problem.
Bryan’s story: from arrogance to kindness over a daunting belief: “You’re either the best, or you’re nothing”.
The problem was not that Bryan was so smart. The problem was that he treated others as stupid.
Bryan arrived in our coaching frustrated. A regional finance director with 20 years of experience in this and similar roles, he didn’t understand why he was ‘sent’ to coaching:
“I know I do a good job. We’re getting strong results. I just can’t tolerate people who are stupid.”
He was extremely IQ smart and competent, making sure the organisation stays financially healthy. Seen as an extremely valuable player, the leadership team considered him for a CFO role, but with one caveat: he needed to do some work on himself. Which is why he was offered, or in my perspective, gifted, coaching.
As we worked together, I learned that he received feedback that he sometimes gets visibly frustrated and acts rather arrogant towards his team, sometimes his peers, and on rare occasions - with valuable external stakeholders. Putting up with this ‘darker side’ of him because of his brilliance, the SLT (senior leadership team) was very clear that he needed to do something about it if he wanted to move up. When the pressure builds up, Bryan snaps, being triggered by the ‘incompetencies’ of others (lower Composure scores on the Creative side combined with high Arrogance on the Reactive).
Interestingly, Bryan knew about this side of him (Self-Awareness in the Creative) and was even extremely authentic in his frustrations (Authentic in the Creative). But the problem remained.
So what does one do when a person already ‘knows it all’, but ‘doesn’t know what to do with it?’ We have to work deeper.
First, we looked at the context: what surrounds the instances when he usually loses his grip? He is most likely to snap when the pressure of deadlines is on, when he ‘sees the impending car crash ahead and no one gets it’ and when his sleep is reduced. These factors affect most people and addressing them increases anyone’s chances of success (see Michael Walker’s book “Why we sleep” - in it he talks about an interesting study demonstrating that sleep-deprived people view neutral facial expressions as threatening).
The present context contributes to his irritations, but doesn’t explain the core beliefs he is holding that showed up when Bryan was under pressure and sleeping less. So, we had to look deeper.
It took a couple of sessions to find a gateway to change, but we started with an understanding that his self-awareness went only as far as “I recognise this behaviour, I know the impact, I know the trigger: incompetent people”. But I know from my work that the very strong reactions to the trigger - “stupid”, “incompetent” are a sign of a deeper sensitivity, a deeper, strong and emotionally-filled belief. A belief that was just outside of Bryan’s current awareness.
Untangling the roots of the reactive belief
“‘Stupid?’ - that’s a strong word.” - I said. “Where did you learn that from?”
“What do you mean? If people aren’t smart, they are stupid.” - Bryan seemed taken aback by the ‘absurdity’ of my question.
“Really? And where did you get that concept from?” - I kept asking. This is because I know the origin of such extreme judgments, such as ‘either smart or stupid’, is from a less mature form of mind and usually from a younger age. So he must’ve absorbed this concept when he was younger.
Bryan holds his breath. Something shifts. He’s remembering something.
“My father…”, - he sighs, “for him, you either were the best, or you were nothing”.
“And what happened when you were doing well, but you weren’t “THE best”?”
“I don’t remember…” “Ok, this is what’s coming up… he got really angry and wouldn’t talk to me.”
“So, what did you learn from that?”
“That I need to be the best, otherwise I’d let him down.”
“And perhaps, the smartest, or at least, not incompetent?” - I check to see if this links to his irritations with others.
“Yes!”
At this point I give Bryan space to let this all sink in… the possibility that he learned when he was a teenager that the way to be recognised is to be the best, the smartest, with anything below - landing in the space of “incompetence”, a space where people are not valued, are not respected, are not met with patience, understanding and constructive conversations on how to do better. A realisation that because he didn’t experience patience from his father, he had to learn how to be patient with himself first, then with people around him. Not to reduce the standards of getting quality results (that would be a reduction in Achieving dimension), but to be OK, to feel OK, when things aren’t perfect yet, when people share ideas he sees flaws in (or ideas that seem smarter than his), and not to attack them, not to act towards them as his father acted towards him, but to develop other ways of working together.
A minute or two later, I noticed Bryan holding back his tears… When I asked what was going on for him, his short reply was: “I think I do this to my two boys at home…”
I give him space again… this was a big realisation for Bryan.
“How would you like to be different?” was a question that opened the doors towards other possibilities. And although the Creative Competencies provided Bryan with options to choose from, they served more as a confirmation for what he already knew, but was unable to verbalise, until then: “I just want to be more me. To be more kind. To be able to work well and switch off at home. But I don’t know how".
“Well, let’s get to work” - I replied as I saw Bryan’s energy change right in front of me: a shift from the initial irritation and ‘I know it all’ attitude to openness, then humbleness, then hope, then interest and then commitment to find other ways of being with himself and with others.
Final notes on Bryan’s story
Although it took a couple of sessions to see the belief that what was driving his behaviour, rather than act through such belief alone (this is called making a subject-to-object move, using the words of Robert Kegan*), it took several more months for Bryan to first practice and then integrate new ways of working with others. It wasn’t easy, because each time he was triggered, the old belief, the voice “you’re all or nothing” kept coming up in his head. But this time, he was able to notice it and not accept it as absolute truth. And with good results.
Putting all of this together
By now you have a lot of options for how to grow your leadership competencies, from reducing your reliance on your default Reactive styles to consciously placing your efforts into Creative competencies. Both will lead to you having more options to choose from, especially when you’re under pressure and more likely to go into Reactive leadership. The LCP in general, or your own LCP results in particular, could be your map for leadership development for years to come.
Coming up next:
The next article will be a recap and a summary to put this all together.
A reminder:
For higher accuracy using the Leadership Circle Profile for your own development, consider:
Completing the free LCP Self-Assessment on Leadership Circle's' website.
Getting in touch if you want a full 360 LCP+debrief (I'm a certified LCP practitioner).
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Footnotes:
Bob Anderson: Leadership Circle and Organizational Performance, LC Whitepaper series
Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yvon_Chouinard
Matthew Walker’s book Why we sleep
Robert Kegan, Developmental Psychologist and former professor at Harvard Graduate School
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